


Alec is tired of Jace being abudcted. (Or the one where Alec threw is moral by the window, because some idiots have taken Jace.)

by seventhtimes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland is endgame, Alec has no time for your bullshit, Alec is a Little Shit, Alec is vicious, Alec lightwood centric, And vomiting this story, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Alec Lightwood, Because plot, Blending it into a mixer, Blood, Blood and Torture, But Jace already knows he's a Herondale, But plot, Do NOT touch his parabatai, Emotionnal pain for Magnus, He's still Alec, Hurt/Comfort, I SAID MINOR OKAY, I mean, Implied/Referenced Torture, It's a part of who he is, It's like in season 2 somewhere, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace and Alec are ambiguous little shit, Jace is amused, Jace is kidnapped, Jalec is endgame, Knives, M/M, Magnus and Alec are together BUT, Magnus is lost, Malec is temporary here, Minor Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Protective Alec Lightwood, Read the tag, The author is using the TV show and the book, dark!Alec, described torture, i'M SORRY I LOVE HIM, poor Jace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23722699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventhtimes/pseuds/seventhtimes
Summary: Anybody could tell you to not mess with Lightwoods, they'll break your nose.But the truth is, that Alexander might be the most vicious out there if you push him enough.Jace Herondale, his parabatai, has been abducted and he has no more fucks to give. He will get him back.-Malec at the beginning. Jalec is ENDGAME.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 45
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the last time, there will be Jalec. Are we good?
> 
> Anyway hope you will enjoy, don't hesitate to live a comment, kudos.  
> Constructive criticism is encouraged! 
> 
> English is not my first language, there might be mistakes, do not hesitate to point them out!
> 
> I wrote that during an insomnia and neuropathical pain crisis.
> 
> Enjoy !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the reading!  
> If any mistakes or anything weird is in there, don't hesitate to tell me!
> 
> Updated: 06/18/2020.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood is not someone you want to get on the wrong side, and even less to mess up with. Magnus realized that pretty early on in their relationship. Alec is a caring lover. He is polite. He can be gentle. He can be a lot of things. But if there is one sure thing that Magnus knows about Alec, it is to not mess with anything involving his family, and even less his  _ parabatai _ . He is still able to hear Alec’s voice telling him that he can’t live without him. Without Jace. And the madness that was slowly consuming him, ready to do everything in his power and beyond, to get him back. Nothing is too great of a price when it comes to Jace. So when Alexander received a fire message, stating that Jace Herondale had been taken, Magnus  _ knew _ that his boyfriend was long gone.

They currently were in the ops center and Alec was giving orders. Urging the recon division to check Jace’s last known location. Anyone he had engaged with. With whom was he last in contact. If there was any witness, to bring them in if that was the case. And that he needed those informations  _ yesterday _ .

Another team was to stay on standby, and not to be concerned at all by Jace’s case. They were on a corner, isolated from the other parts of the ops room. They had to check with any irregular activity. To take actions, if there were demons to be taken care of. They would be the ones to take care of any supernatural activities if needed. Alec expected of them to fill reports and to keep Underhill updated on everything. Whom in return, would update  **_him_ ** of any pressing matters, or fill him in after the Jace situation had been handled. 

Alec on his end needed to organize an impromptu Downworld cabinet, along with calling the Inquisitor, Imogen Herondale —who also happened to be Jace’s grandmother.

Subsequently, he needed to start thinking of what **_exactly_ ** would be written on his report. Because it will, for sure, end up onto Jia Penhallow’s —The Consul— desk. Thus, in order to smooth things over, to keep the relative and tentative peace the Shadow World was in.    
And if he, himself was going out looking out for blood, they didn’t need to know.

♠ 

Alexander had been for sure, bred, raised, and shaped to be a great leader. A part of Magnus’s brain supplied, that  **_this_ ** is, incredibly _ hot _ . Though, there is nothing hot with watching his boyfriend not taking care of himself. Since Alexander got the message an hour ago or so, the warlock had not seen him drink or sit, at all. If the Warlock is right, Alec will probably run on his stamina rune sooner than later. And while Magnus is not a shadowhunter, he is pretty sure this is not something he should do, that much. Because he know Alec has a tendency to overdo everything, to use himself past the limit of his body or sanity. And he doesn’t know how to make him quite. The only one who always manages to get him to stop and get some rest is actually Jace, with whom Alec does not put a lot of resistance when the blond is shoving into his hand a bottle of water, food, all the while dragging him and locking them in Alec’s bedroom until morning. But Jace is not here, and while it hasn’t gone for really long, Magnus doesn’t know when the raven head is going to lose any last shred of self-preservation he might have left.

♠

Gathering the Downworld leaders on such a short notice was not something easy, but he had everyone in the meeting room quickly, thanks to Magnus.

The reunion went smoothly, but the atmosphere was almost as tense as Alec. He was meeting with them in an attempt to show them his goodwill, and nobody dared to question his course of action. Raphael was eyeing him with a strange look on his face but didn't utter a word. The meeting ended only by a nod from all parts, and they went separate ways, with promises to keep each other updated if needed.

The call with Imogen went as well as expected. She almost portalled right in the middle of the Institute at the news that her only grandson had been taken. It only had been by sheer will that he had managed to tell her to  _ wait.  _ That  **_he_ ** was  **_handling_ ** this, and that even if she came, she could not do a thing about it.  **_He_ ** was in charge here, no matter their respective ranks telling otherwise.

♠

It had been now a few hours since they got word that his  _ parabatai’s _ lover had been taken, and the note was clear. They wanted to make of Jace Herondale an example. Shadowhunters were not invincible, and the Downworld’s intention was to take charge. For now, they didn’t know who was behind the abduction, and the threat, but this person will be serving the angels in a more personal way than Alec could offer on earth, pretty soon.

As for Magnus, he had been searching the Institute through and through, but Alec was hiding pretty well. It was Isabelle who finally took pity on him and told him that he must be on the rooftop of the Institute. His blood ran cold with dark memories, all involving Alec throwing himself off the rooftop. She quickly assured him that it was his safe place. For him and Jace to be precise. So that’s the reason why Magnus, hadn’t gone upstairs until now. Now it has been too long, and he was fairly certain that every shadowhunter under Alec’s command was getting restless. If the pacing and mumbling was any indication, they all wanted to go on a killing spree. For sure, they all had their assignments, but Nephilim were not patient beings, and for and foremost, soldiers. They wanted to regain their  _ parabatai _ ’s leader back. Or Angels help them, people were really going to die. So this is when and  _ why  _ Magnus decided to go and join Alec on the roof, while quite a bit apprehensive to invade this almost sacred place.    
There were a few things that he still didn’t know about his lover, but that was certainly not to be expected.

Here he found Alexander Lightwood, Head of the New-York Institute, laying down on the ground, a cigarette burning between his finger, and few cigarette butts thrown here and there, proof that he, in fact, had smoked a lot. What was the most unsettling was his entire demeanor. He seemed odd, distant, but quite content. It was as if shadows were lurking around him, caressing his features, claiming him as their own.

_ “It has been an hour since you’re up here. Don’t you want to come back?” _ , asked tentatively Magnus. 

_ “If there were any updates, Izzy would have sent me a text. Plus, for now, there’s nothing I can do. And I needed to.. Gather my thoughts.” _ , he answered nonchalantly.

_ “About what?”  _

_ “What I’m going to do.” _ Okay, that is odd, thought Magnus.

_ “Meaning?”  _

_ “What’s gonna be the order of it all.” _

_ “Alexander, I’m not following you.” _

_ “That’s actually the point Magnus.” _

Magnus could have been more lost even if he tried. Alec’s demeanor was oddly cold, stern and the look he harbored was made of ice. If the warlock didn’t know him better, he would have been in a defensive stance. Though all his instincts were telling him to stay a bit further away from the possible threatening figure that actually was his boyfriend, he fought against his urges to stay nonchalant. Alexander rose to his feet. Spared a glance at Magnus, paused, and told him.

_ “When I’ll get there. Do not follow me. You’re not going to like what you’ll see.” _ , he stated firmly, searching for Magnus’ gaze. 

_ “What..?” _ Magnus didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence that Alec was already racing downstairs. Back in the ops center, he saw two shadowhunters handing a man to the Head.

_ “Are you sure he has intel?” _ , asked Alec, piercing his gaze onto his chief of security eyes.

_ “Yes, sir.” _ , answered Underhill, and Alec had all faith in his head of security. He glared at the man with a contemptuous stare and asked, his mouth twitching with disdain.

_ “Are you going to be cooperative?”, _ he inquires, looking the guy, noting that **it** is a werewolf.

_ “You can rot in hell.” _ , spat the inmate.

_ “Then so be it.”  _

_ “Oh and sir?” _ , asked Underhill before Alec could take the inmate towards the interrogating cells. 

_ “Yes?” _

_“Your cell is ready if…”_ _Good, dutiful, obedient, loyal Underhill_ supplied his mind, and not for the first time Alec congratulated himself for having approved his transfer and named him to his post.

All the while said man had trailed off his sentence, not quite knowing how to formulate this.

_ “Thank you, Andrew,” _ Alexander answered, voice sweet. Cheerful. 

And he grabbed the man by the arm, manhandling him toward  _ his special  _ cell.

♠

If anyone asked Jace what were his feelings toward Alexander Lightwood, his answer would always be the same, “He’s my  _ parabatai _ .”. He doesn’t normally need to elaborate on that part. People, Nephilim and Downworlders alike, didn’t —could not— really understand the bond. Only a bonded pair could really get it. And even then, no bonded pair functioned quite the same way. While it is forbidden by the dear old Clave to commit the crime of Eros, every  _ parabatai _ pair knows that the bond was originally made for lovers. Taking its origin in the Theban bond. 

If a bonded pair tries to tell you that they had never felt the potential behind it, they are  _ lying. _ The most attuned you are with your parabatai’s feelings, the more efficient you’ll be. The best pairs are always the closest. That is a bare, simple  _ fact _ . And that’s actually where lies the utter power. They all swore the same oath, and normally —minus our dear villain Valentine— your main goal is to  _ protect  _ the other half of your soul,  _ “to lay down their lives for the other”.  _ That is actually pretty clever, because two people working their hardest to keep one another alive, animated only by love, and the pure will to protect, surpassing your beliefs, gives you two efficient, strong, almost fearless warriors. 

The truth is, the Clave fears what it cannot control, and  _ parabatai _ is precisely  _ that _ if let loose —understand  _ lovers _ . Because  _ parabatai  _ are so animated by the love and will to protect against and towards anybody for their other half, that they are said to become dangerous, divine, beings. Facing anybody including their commanding officers, family, friends, blinded by the mean of protecting the other. Capable of using magic, and magic is not made for shadowhunters. But then Jace always had reasoned “ _ but our runes are angelic powers, kinda magic to me. _ ”, but kept his thoughts to himself, not risking to compromise himself or his  _ parabatai _ for nothing. 

At the time, Jace was restrained, he had taken a beating and, testing the bond, he had found it out to be numbed by a spell.  **Well. Alec must be** **_royally pissed_ ** _ ,  _ he had thought.

To say that Jace was totally  _ fine _ in this position would be a bit too much. But he couldn’t say that he was truly afraid. Not that he particularly liked to be the damsel in distress, but the dangerous situations were where he thrived the most because that’s when he truly felt  **_alive_ ** . If anything, he was  _ amused.  _ **Alec was probably at that to raise hell.**

♠

As it turns out, some of the Downworld is still angry at the Clave because of everything that happened with Valentine. Jace was the perfect target because he was the one to activate the Soul Sword. For those people, it appears that their only goal is to sabotage everything that Alec is working on. The perpetrators want to make an example of Jace who can walk freely while people are dead because of him. That is actually proving just how wrong, and blinded people can go when grieving, and Alec is tempted to be a little bit  _ lenient  _ because of that. But then, even with the bond numbed and not letting Alec navigates through it to find Jace’s exact location, he can still feel his pain. Jace might have been used, growing up to take a beating, but it’s still not okay by Alec’s book. No one touches his  _ parabatai _ and goes without missing a limb. Or a few. And maybe the skin, if Alec is in the mood. If only people could stop taking his  _ parabatai _ , it would do him some good. 

♠

Resting his eyes on the bloody figure slumped on the chair, Alexander counts the injuries while deciding whether or not the man could be of any more use. Three broken ribs, and he could hear a most certainly perforated lung, his ankles were broken, plus his fingers. The man is lucky he started to  _ talk _ because Alec already had in hand a knife ready to cut them away. One by one, and he intended to take his sweet time. Thinking about it, that might be exactly  _ why  _ the other man started to talk. Seeing his maniac smile and delight starting to dance in Alec’s eyes at the prospect. Getting back to the injuries, obviously, the man had his nose broken in true Lightwood fashion. A few bruises all over his face, evidence of the beginning of the interrogation.

Underhill interrupted his thoughts by stepping through the door, to tell him that they might have a lead on where Jace was being held hostage, not flinching when asking Alexander if he wanted the man to be taken care of. Meaning, finishing him and taking care of the corpse.

_ “No. As for now, let him live. He might be a little bit more helpful. Or ease my nerves” _ , answered Alec shrugging with the shadow of a wicked shaped smile.

_ “Oh and” _ , he pauses, _ “ _ **_if_ ** _ he gets out of here alive, he will spread the goddamn word that no one messes with what’s mine.”, _ he added.

♠

Before going back to the ops center, Alexander had meticulously and clinically washed his hand, bloody knuckles, going through the seven steps of handwashing, and applied a healing rune for good measure. He would need his hands in good shape later. 

Getting on the room, he spotted Isabelle watching him sternly. Probably aware that he had not just talked, but not knowing either how brutal and gruesome his techniques may come. Nonetheless, Alec knew she wasn’t going to talk him out of it. Not now. Not for Jace. Because she understood that without his other-half, Alec would go feral. Magnus and Clary were standing by her side. Earlier he hadn’t spotted the redhead, and he was surprised that she hadn't yet been trying t o lead an assault or an ill-advised solo rescue mission, trying to bribe Izzy in it. But considering, maybe Izzy had told her that if she did anything potentially compromising for Jace life now, Wrangle Island would be a merciful option. 

The raven head man turned and focused his gaze on the screen. On which was displayed the presumed location where Jace was being held. The image was crystal clear and precise, and Alec praised internally the technology that was at their disposal. The racing numbers at the bottom of the image told him that he was actually watching live footage. And a disconnected part of his brain noted that the recon division had really been in top form today. They were probably as eager as Alec to get Jace back, if only for their boss’s sanity.

Underhill was handing a tablet for Alec to take. He  distractedly grabbed it, only nodding onto the other man, as an acknowledgment. 

Again, a part of his brain told him that Underhill was really getting good at reading him, and for this, he was internally thankful.

♠

_“Please... Please just kill me already, I.. I don’t have..”_ , the werewolf had started, pleading and shaking his head, while Alec was entering the room. **_Good_** , he thought, he had _broken_ him already, and it shows. Fear and pain still laced onto his features. _Too bad though, they had left at the appetizer,_ a whisper in Alec brain stated, disappointed.

_ “Oh shut up already. I would very much, appreciate it if you could, pretty please, confirm the location.” _ . He cuts him.

_ “I know nothing else. I swear!” _ Alec pinched his nose, the talkativeness clearly starting to drive him mad. He took a dagger out of his belt, planting it into the werewolf leg. Alec getting down in the motion, staring right into his eyes. The werewolf eyes glowing green, half roaring, half screaming in pain.

“ _ You did this to yourself you know? That’s what happens when I don’t hear the correct answers.”  _ Said Alec a smile with too many teeth showing, and big dilated pupils. 

“ _ I’m... I’m sorry.”  _ The handler started to move, oh so slowly the dagger still implanted in the other one leg.

_ “Will you. Bite your tongue. Before I make you swallow it?” _ The raven head inquires in a void tone,  _ “I said, is it the right location?” _ , shoving the tablet in front of his eyes. The werewolf looked at it. 

_ “It looks likes it could be there.” _ , he then said. 

_ “Good enough for me.” _ , Alec stated, tone poisonous. “ _ You get to keep the dagger in your leg for this one. Good doggy.”  _

  
♠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you enjoyed the first part! 
> 
> Make my day and leave a comment and kudos!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is beta-d, but if any mistakes subsist don't hesitate to tell me!
> 
> Enjoy the second part!
> 
> Updated: 06/18/2020.

Jace  _ might  _ have been amused at the very beginning, but now not so much. From what he had gathered, people were taking turns on the beating. He could not see much now that both of his eyes were swollen. He was not sure about much anymore, apart from that maybe, he had a concussion. Multiples bruises all over his ribcage, both of his wrists were bleeding because of the restraints, and Angels knew how bloodthirsty he was getting by the minute, not knowing if it could come from the bond or his own hatred.  _ When _ Alec got there, he really hoped he would leave him a few to pass his nerves on. 

Jace must admit that a part of him, was starting to worry a bit. The people around him were murderous, and he didn’t really know for how long they were counting on keeping him alive. He knew they were not trying to trade him against something, nor using him as leverage. A disconnected part of his brain wondered if they were just going to beat the crap out of him until he eventually dies from his injuries. That or the lack of water. Food being the least of his worries. 

For the first time in his life, Jace Herondale had realized that he might not really want to die now. All his life he had a death wish, always running head bent into dangerous situations without thinking twice about it. But maybe,  _ maybe _ that came with the safety of  _ knowing  _ that Alec always had his back  _ no matter what.  _

He had been brought back from his thoughts by an uppercut landing  _ hard  _ on his right side. His ribs were broken, he was sure of it. No matter who were the bastards throwing punches, they hit forcefully and even that was a poor adjective. 

He was hung on by the wrists, his feet were barely brushing the floor, and because of that, he was certain that both his shoulders must be dislocated. 

For sure he had been used to take a beating while growing up, he knew how to  _ take it _ , how to repress the urge to cry, and to put a mask on, barely hissing. Even a few months back, he had been tortured by Valentine, but enduring  _ this  _ was quite different. Jace had realized that, for starter, he knew that Valentine was not going to kill him. He was rough, but he was still, years after his childhood, teaching him a lesson. Healing him quickly after, so yes, the taste of it all was different. Because now he knew with a deep certainty that if Alec was not getting here  _ soon _ , he was going to  _ die. _ And the thought had sent a cold shiver down his spine. Pain was bearable. Well not really, but you get used to it. Human beings thrived off routines. What unsettles them is a break in the pattern. Variables that they couldn’t control. And routine was what makes people pliable to others will. Because you don’t want to know what might await you if the pattern breaks. Here there is no pattern. No trying. But the pain is still a constant. And that he can get used to it. But, no true increase order, no pattern, no talking. Whoever lands their punches, seeks vengeance. They don’t want him to bend or to obey. They want him to die.

Jace’s head went sideway, took him by surprise, and made him spat blood. By the feeling of it, he had concluded that he might have been hit by someone wearing brass knuckles.  _ Well,  _ **_that_ ** _ was a first,  _ he had noted.  _ Did he really have to lose his teeth in the process? _

He had been able to feel blood running down his nose and mouth. The blond was shirtless, and he had heard the distinctive sound of knives. He knew that his handler was doing that on purpose. One does not share his soul with Alexander Lightwood without learning a thing or two about those types of things. He could tell that the person wanted him to be as deep bone terrified as possible to indulge, but he was  _ so not  _ going to give him the satisfaction. 

The first incision hadn’t been deep, it had been merely a touch. His blood had still run from it. The cut was located on his left flank, just above his _parabatai_ rune. Jace had jolted at the thought. He knew, ** _he knew_** he shouldn’t have given himself away like that. But cutting through that precise rune could severe the bond, and _that_ would be the biggest torture anyone could inflict on him. One incision that he could and would never recover from. He heard the man laugh. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.

_ “Oh I’m sorry, shouldn’t I cut through this one? Sensitive much _ ?”. His handler had paused.  _ “Or are you afraid of me severing the bond with your precious parabatai? I don’t know a lot but hey, I heard stuff by your folks from time to time about this. Enough to recognize it. _ ”

_ “Don’t talk about something you don’t know scumbag _ ”, Jace spatted in response.

“ _ Easy in there, you wouldn’t want me to spoil the fun? Do you? _ ”, the bastard said, voice sweet and twisted.

Jace had advised himself against answering, deep down too scared that the man could take away from him the one person that mattered the most.  _ Alec, the other half of his soul.  _

He had felt a few punches landing on his body, and one directed at his head. At that, Jace had felt his eyelids close, and he had sunk into nothingness. 

♠

Alec was getting restless. The lead was deserted. Evidence of people having been there have been found. But no traces of Jace.

He felt like he was going out of his mind. His thoughts twirling and twisting, a dark whisper in the back of his mind telling him that  _ he will never see Jace again. That this was the one time too many. _ Despair was infiltrating his lungs. He fought against it.

Alexander tried to push back those thoughts at the back of his mind, but anxiety had been getting to him and he soon felt like he couldn't breathe anymore.

Jace's end of the bond was quiet, like a ghost and the raven head hated it, with all he had, but at least it was proof that the other was still alive.  _ But for how long? _

Alec had seriously considered getting the Conclave involved, but that would have meant involving both the Inquisitor and his dad, after making himself pretty clear that he didn't wanted  _ any of that,  _ that meant admitting defeat, and he was not doing that _. _ He took a deep inhale, had let out a long exhale, his hand came up to his face and had rubbed his eyes. Here, in the private space of his office, he could let go and express his frustration. As much as he had wanted to go back to the werewolf still in his cell, he had known that it wasn’t going to feed anything positive inside of him, and that was a dangerous mind place to get into in his state. The inmate had been so easy to break. He almost hadn’t done anything on him. That was basic handling 101... The werewolf had been weak. He had taken a beating, a rough one maybe, nothing more.

Alec re-centered his thoughts on the matter at hand. He couldn’t see where he was supposed to orientate the search now. Everybody in the Institute was animated by a somber energy, and they were starting to lose hope. And if you want your troops to be at the best of their potential, you  _ feed them  _ **_hope._ ** Otherwise, they will be close to useless. Usually, protocol suggested to collect evidence, find who might have a motive, find said motive, track the bad guy, and arrest the bad guy. Or eliminate the target. But there was no evidences. The Institue was unbreakable and anything would have set off the alarm. Anyway he had people watching the surveillance footage, Underhill supervising and nothing came out of it. His cell phone was off or broken and probably lost, so no use of the technology. Alec had even thought of his sensor but Jace being off duty at the time of the assault, had let it in his room. They couldn’t track him with runes, no luck there either. People who might want to harm Jace were everywhere. Being a shadowhunter, the last Herondale and a cocky son of a bitch who had activated the Soul-Sword made him a primary potential target. He even had Luke looking through the N.Y.P.D. surveillance footage around the city but nothing was worth their attention. Without mentioning that apart from Jace they didn’t know where to look. Looking for weird behavior in New-York would reveal itself counterproductive.    
Alec sighed and closed his eyes.

Since his comeback from the cell, he had not caught sight of Magnus. Magnus, who had no idea of Alec  _ other  _ training. Who was being pushed far away from him because he couldn’t spare a single thought to anything else than Jace, and couldn’t bear to be on the receiving end of any form of concern or affection.

He could tell that their relationship was not going to get back from this undamaged. If any relationship came out of it really.

♠

Magnus had gone out to clear his head after everything that happened. By the look on Andrew, Alec, and Izzy’s faces at the Institute, he had gathered enough pieces of information to understand precisely what kind of interrogation Alexander had been leading downstairs. The idea had never crossed his mind that his sweet, adorable shadowhunter, who had been stuttering the first time they met, was capable of such a thing. And really, Magnus had inflicted his fair share of  _ wrong  _ during his time with Asmodeus, his father the fallen angel. 

_ “Could Alexander have followed  _ **_the_ ** _ training? No? It was only a myth running through the Downworld, for sure…” _ _   
_ The idea itself was repulsive. But again, Jace was concerned. And there was not a lot of things that Alexander wouldn’t do to get his  _ parabatai _ back. He had always known that. He could remember as if the scene had taken place a few hours before only, when Alec had navigated through the bond with the rock made of Adamas and had gotten lost, between himself and his other half. The only thing that had saved him that day was Jace. Again. Everything was circling around  _ Jace.  _

Not for the first time in his relationship with the shadowhunter, Magnus had wondered if the bond linking the  _ parabatai _ was what would lead his own relationship to sink.

For the first time, he had acknowledged the truth that no matter how Alexander’s feelings towards him were strong, Jace would  _ always  _ be a priority. He knew with a deep certainty that if one day Alexander had to choose between his  _ parabatai _ or the warlock, there would be no choice at all. Because it was, in Alec’s head, a no brainer. At fourteen if he recalled properly, the two of them had intertwined their souls, tying them to  _ always  _ choose one another. The  _ parabatai oath _ was even more binding than marriage. 

Magnus could never understand the intricacies and exactly what it entails to have a  _ parabatai _ , but he had known  _ parabatai  _ before. He knew they were so deeply connected that they were essentially one person, only extensions of one another. He recalled the oath, remembering the way Jace had pronounced it, and it had sent a shiver down his spine.    
Magnus was now lost in his thoughts, reliving the scene.

Jace’s urgency, grabbing the Adamas rock, kneeling next to Alec’s body who had been covered in sweat and agony, had clasped their hands the same way they had the day of the ceremony. The Adamas had glowed a deep light, between the  _ parabatai _ , recognizing the pair. 

His voice had cracked,  _ “Entreat me not to leave thee. Or to return from following after thee”  _ his breath itching. Alec jolting figures, breath coming with extreme difficulty. Jace’s head had followed the fall of the Adamas out of their joined hands. Magnus had read the oath, he remembered the part Alexander should have said.

_ “For whither thou goest, I will go, _

_ And where thou lodgest, I will lodge.” _

Jace had taken a terrified intake of breath, his right hand had come to cup Alec’s cheek, getting closer to his head, as if trying to look into his eyes.  _ Their combined soul,  _ had whispered a voice in his head. He had got lost once again in this dreadful memory. Jace thumb had moved on Alec’s cheek, searching his face for anything. Alec’s breath had been closer to a death rattle and the Adamas had been losing its glow. Jace had kept going, his voice filled with sobs.

_ “Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.” _ , Jace’s voice had faltered as he must have felt the bond slipping. He had whispered the next part.

_ “Where thou diest, will I die,” _ , stating that he would have followed Alec right on spot, _ “and there will I be buried.” _ , sobbing he had pronounced the following. The Adamas glowing figures had come to an end. Alec’s last breath. Jace’s figure had started to shake. He had taken Alec in his arms, held the back of his neck tightly. 

_ “The Angel do so to me, and more also,” _ , Jace had said through a strangled voice. _ ”If aught but death part thee and me.” _ He had finished, sobbing helplessly and cradling Alec closer as if trying to merge with him as Alec’s soul had started to untangled from Jace’s own.

“ _ Please don’t leave me, Alec” _ , he had started to beg, the prospect of living without him foreign and alienating. 

The only interruption of the silence in the room had been from Jace’s shattered breath. The blond figures had jolted and reaffirmed its hold on Alec, hearing the latter voice, filling the dreadful silence with the end of the oath binding them,  _ ”If aught but death part thee and me.” _ . 

The  _ parabatai _ had only separated themselves to take a confirming look at each other, then with urgency, they had been gripping and melting into the other, begging silently not to feel this emptiness ever again. Magnus had seen the look they had exchanged as if the other was the most important matter in the world.  _ For them, it is. _

Magnus tore himself away from the memory, the warlock feeling bad trying to compare the different relationships, but he could not help but think of what it meant. For Alexander and himself. This precise memory was the perfect example of what had been holding him back with this relationship. He couldn’t help himself but feel like a third. 

His heart had constricted in his chest. Because here, in the middle of the street, not far away from the Institute, realization had dawned on him like the Damocles sword.

♠

Underhill was a well-respected man. He had his boss’s trust, he was effective and loyal. So when he had heard the piercing scream coming from the Head’s office and said boss going out of his office like a madmen. The first thought that had come through his mind had been that Jace Herondale must have died. His usually so well composed and neutral boss—well, when it didn’t concern Jace, a voice stated in his head matter of factly— that it had been for him the only valid reason. 

“ _ I know where he is. Gear up.”  _ Everyone had grown really tensed at that. Something wasn’t adding up. How had it even been possible? Nonetheless, after this frozen second, the soldiers that they were trained to be, rose to their feet, strapping their gear on themselves. 

Underhill had glanced at the other Lightwood present in the room, and they had both nodded in understanding. They  _ had  _ to have their commander’s back. Because after his outburst —that probably only himself heard— he had grown deadly cold. No expression had been visible on his face since. The only indication of what he had been going through, was the dark circles under his eyes dug by torment.    
No one was going to question their leader’s order. They all had faith in him, that he would not lead them to go if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure. But an uneasy feeling had infiltrated their body. They all knew with a deep certainty that the fight would be gruesome. That it was going to be a bloodbath. No enemy was going out of there alive, not with their leader. They had committed the worst mistake, against the worst person possible. 

♠

Not a lot of people were in the confidence, but it was Andrew Underhill’s job, as the Head of Security, to  _ know  _ those kinds of information on the ones who were working in the Institute. And that included Alexander Gideon Lightwood as well. It had seemed like a mutual agreement was running through everyone in the known, about  _ this specific  _ matter.

Alexander had been trained by  _ Afanasy _ . No one really knew where the man was from. Afanasy was peeking a handful of kids for each generation. Taught them precisely how to dehumanize someone, how to make anybody talk, how to  _ break  _ someone’s soul. This handful of kids were kept private, though, with the needed access, the files marked with “ **Afanasy training completed** ” appeared. They were following those classes along with their basic shadowhunter training. Not many people knew it even existed, but Alexander had the training. More than that, he had been one of Afanasy’s best students, the man himself had congratulated Alexander’s ingenuity and creativity as a handler. Underhill didn’t know exactly what had happened, though he knew that Afanasy was the one who gave Alexander his nicknames. He read that Afanasy was calling him “Alek”, and that is why now he was going with his surname. Always carrying a reminder of his time as one of the best students of the famous handler, and what he truly was capable of. Acknowledging this part of himself in his everyday life, subtly enough for no one to notice.

Andrew had not gone further into the reports on his time back then, pretty sure that, if he still wanted to be able to look into his boss’s eyes, he preferably might put down, the  _ numerous  _ pages. 

After reading Alec’s file, his boss had summoned him into his office. Andrew had been commanded to sit, so  _ he had.  _ _   
_ Alec had been lurking closely, arms crossed, watching him intently, searching for something on his newly appointed head of security. And Andrew had not  __ dared  to even twitch under his gaze.    
Whatever, his boss had found, he had nodded, and Underhill had done the same. And as he was standing, Jace had burst into Alec’s office, asking to spar, glancing at Underhill asking if he was interrupting something. At that Alec had rolled his eyes and threw his arms into the air, exasperated.

_ “You know my policy. No one barge into my office! You  _ **_knock!_ ** _ ” _

_ “Doesn’t occurred to me that I was supposed to follow the rule.”  _ Had shrugged Jace.

It had also been the first time that Andrew had realized that the only one who did not hold an ounce of fear for his boss was the golden boy. He had guessed at the moment that one does not share his soul with someone else’s without loving every part of it. Andrew had been about to close the door when he had seen Jace’s hand cupping his leader’s face, the latter had relaxed into the touch and nodded. Andrew had closed the door at the intimacy of the scene, not wanting to intrude. That and his survival instincts were high. 

Back in the ops center a few minutes after that, Andrew had seen on the monitor that they were indeed sparring — _ dancing _ — more like, with the grace that only  _ parabatai  _ tended to have. And at that moment, he had concluded that Jace  _ knew  _ and that his boss might have been a little nervous concerning Andrew’s reaction. Jace bursting into the office had probably been a calculated move by the blond. 

It was the reason why both Isabelle and himself had told themselves that they needed to keep an eye on Alexander and watch his back. They knew he was going to be ruthless, and they had wanted to make sure that his rage would not blind him, opening him to possible harm in the process. They had swore to themselves that they were going to have his back if needed.

Underhill had looked around him, soldier stance, hands clasped behind his back, and had noticed that Magnus had made his comeback with puffy eyes. “ _ Ow”,  _ he had thought. But the warlock had been standing with them, not giving anything away. Taking part in the battle as it seemed.

Alec was now standing tall, looking at his shadowhunters.

“ _ Lethal strength will be the only one tolerated, it is a matter of survival. If anyone has a problem with that, I will not hold you up to it, but you must be ready. I will not be wasting any precious time because of inaction. If I’m telling you this, it's because those people”,  _ he paused, staring at everyone one by one. “ _ Those people took Jace, but they want us dead, suffering from it preferably. People going to those kinds of extent do not go back to someone who can be reasoned in a safe time. And I really hope to get back everyone  _ **_safe._ ** _ Have I made myself clear?” _

A chorus of “ _ Yes, sir!” _ had resonated through the walls.

The Shadowhunters of the New York Institute always had been his. They had his back, and it was his responsibility to have theirs.

And if he had wanted every enemy dead, deeming them not to deserve any mercy, that was  _ his  _ call. He will wash his hands in the blood of those who had taken his  _ parabatai.  _ That was a promise made to himself. A corrupted smile had curled on his lips at the thought.

_ For the first time since his training, the Raven was going on a hunt. _

♠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make my day and leave a comment, or/and kudos!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you are so not going to read this one with the wait you had to endure for this part.
> 
> So, please enjoy this chapter ( it's fucking 3 a.m. in France right now)
> 
> JUST 
> 
> Note that I have updated the first two chapters. Not changing the story, but adding a few things, changing a few phrasing and all.
> 
> So do as you please, but here I consider you all aware.
> 
> Now.. Off you go!

Alec had felt the bond tingle with a sense of desperation, like a last call. A beacon in the darkest of nights that could have ever existed. The urgency that had sung in his very soul had marked Alec forever, living an imprint that would never quite leave him.   
Though, thanks to that he had been able to pinpoint Jace’s exact location. _Fucking finally._ The force that had hit him had cut his breath and had, had him grip forcefully a corner of his desk. Pain overwhelming his sense, feeling every cuts and bruises inflicted to his _parabatai._ Leaving him panting before moving right to the ops center.

Now that they were in front of the big building, Alec allowed himself to think about his plan again. The building was towering them, huge and fancy. What was happening in there was going against every idea that you could have of a place like this. The plan had been made up too fast for the Raven’s liking, but he had known exactly where Jace was being held et he could not wait any longer. He did not know however how many people they were about to encounter. It had been obvious since the very beginning that at least one Warlock was involved. But, no matter what they were getting in. The New York Shadowhunters were the best, they had fought against so many deadly threats that they did not expect anything less. Not anymore. Their minds were hypervigilant and they never underestimated anyone now. Alec had saw to that, intensifying their trainings, testing their reflexes past the limits. With and without runes. With or without being prepared. Waking them up in the middle of the night to an impromptu training. Kept them awake for hours, exhausted, to ensure that they knew how to function when they couldn’t be at their hundred. No matter how tough, and ruthless, he had been. Everybody knew that he was preparing them for a war. To give them the best odds possible at survival. He could not offer them the luxury of thinking that everything was back to normal and give a threat the opportunity to strike. Alec had gone as far as personalizing some of the drills. Giving Underhill a hard time to explore every system flaw possible and fix this. To look for any potential failure that could happen for any possible reasons and to be prepared. No matter what. Some of his soldiers probably thought that he was paranoid but after the attacks, threats, and traitors that happened under his parents’ time, he couldn’t afford to do the same mistakes as them. Also taking a part of the blame since he had been acting head for quite some time, not daring to challenge them too much. Now they would be ready.

They had lost too much and too many, already and they were not keen on losing more.  


Alexander took into his surroundings. Isabelle was at his left side, Underhill at his right. Clary was behind them, Magnus next to her. 

Some of his troops had already infiltrated the building, at his commandments. Two Shadowhunters had been waiting outside for surveillance, three had been at the stairs entry, ready if anyone would try to run away. A team of twenty was to infiltrate the rest of the building. Checking any possible places where some could have wandered. Nobody would escape, and they will all die. 

♠

Alec had feared that his plan was made up too fast, that he had not taken enough people with him, that he should not have let his emotions cloud his judgments. He appeared confident all along for the sake of his troops, but deep down, he knew he should have waited and planned this operation with the people he trusts. 

Jace was being held in the basement. Alec had lead them into the building as soon as he heard that everybody was set and that nothing was to report, into the headset. Then they had entered the building glamoured, checking briefly if anyone was watching them, but his full trust was into his team. Confident, in their abilities and knowing that if anything disturbing had happened he would know by now.

Getting to the basement had been ridiculously simple and easy. Alec knew that it could only mean one thing, everyone was inside. The bond was still painfully quiet, after jolting to life only once. Alec felt like he was functioning without a limb, and saying that the feeling was unpleasant would be an understatement.   
They positioned themselves, Alec was behind everyone else, being an archer it was the obvious choice, and his back was to everyone, securing if anybody was getting down. Izzy had taken place at his back covering him, for when they’ll open the door. And while fighting side by side with his sister was not unusual, her presence right where his _parabatai_ should be, was unnerving. The others one were at the door, Underhill supposed to open it, while Clary would be covering his back. Two other members of his team, Cabe and Logan, -transfers from Chicago and the only other _parabatai_ pair in New-York- at the other side of the door. The headset started buzzing.

_“Raven. Raven, this is Blackbird. There are downworlders moving your way. Over.”_

_“Blackbird, this is Raven. Do you have an opening? Over.”_

_“Yes, no mundanes on sight. Permission to proceed? Over.”_

_“Eliminate the targets. Over.”_

_“Yes sir.”_ Alec heard rustling on the other side of the line, the communication was still open and he was hearing grunts and movements. He needed to trust the other team to handle whatever challenges they may face. He turned his attention back to his own.

While Alec couldn’t see what was happening, but he knew Magnus was with them, magic ready to blast. The raven recognized the faint sound of magic, tearing down the wards in place. Magnus’s silence told Alec everything. There was a warlock among them, _yes,_ but they must be channeling all of their power on blocking Jace and weren’t strong enough to put up some real defense. Magnus had cut onto them like he would have into a cake. He then heard the faint sound of clothes rustling, meaning that Underhill must have raised his hand, counting down until he opened the door. 

They banged the front door open, and at the sound, Alec turned toward it, Izzy easily taking his place for cover. 

Underhill, Cabe, and Logan went first, and he saw vampires coming. Alec started leashing arrows at them in seconds, letting everyone else get inside without much trouble. Magnus got inside and while Alec had all faith in his ability to defend himself, he still surveyed that nobody escaped Magnus magic. Alec lost count of how many people were inside. Downworlders of all sorts, apart from any other Warlock. The only one on the other side was hiding themselves behind Jace. Alec forced his gaze away from him, knowing that all his focus would be lost otherwise. _“He’s alive. He’s alive. He has to be.”_ Alec refocused his thoughts. Notched another arrow, and fired it at a Seelie, trying to land a killing blow at Underhill who already had his hands full with a huge werewolf.   
Everybody made it inside, Alec started to move, firing arrows at any targets passing in front of him. He looked at his right he saw Underhill thrusting his blade onto the werewolf. Then he turned his gaze and saw a vampire rushing to Cabe and Logan who were fighting side by side, trying to get to Jace. He knew they didn’t need his help but he still threw an arrow at the vampire head. He was there to facilitate their job, and he was feeling a little protective of the pair. They were still young, seventeen, bonded for two years now. Alec roamed his eyes around the place. Everybody was a mess, blades were bloodied and the angelic glow was a divine source of light in the basement. He couldn’t count exactly how many were there left, and he couldn’t say that their death was bringing anything other than satisfaction to him. Alec heard that Izzy was fighting behind him. He decided to switch his bow for his blades. The path was now a bit clearer and he needed to feel his blades thrusting into flesh spouting blood. He took his seraph blades out of his holster, Nakir that belonged to Jace and Arathiel that he had been possessing for years.   
The sound of the combined blades piercing through bodies, getting out and being thrust over and over, in a swift motion, while making path toward Magnus, was a dance he had craved to performed since he had read that fire message.   
Magnus on his end had taken hold of the other warlock, red strings of magic holding captive the foe. The action though was leaving him open for any other opponents, and Alec wasn’t keen on letting anyone hurt him. Izzy was now fighting with Clary, against two werewolves whom had been trying to tear them apart. He saw Izzy grasping one of them with her whip, making him slide to her while aiming for his middle with her blade. Clary was twirling her daggers, making it impossible for the werewolf to touch her and distracting enough, to give her an opening.   
Alec arrived to Magnus and the warlock sent him a grateful nod. Not having to split his focus it gave him room to knock down properly the other warlock and send him to the Spiral Labyrinth or the Institute. Alec wasn’t sure which one, only recognizing the sound of a portal opening in the chaos surrounding them. Now moving again, he switched his weapons once more, his bow materializing in his hand. He threw an arrow on a Seelie knight -piercing into their skull- just in time to prevent a killing blow, intended to land on Cabe, while himself had been covering Logan. Alec moved again. Taking into his surroundings, and after a few seconds, realized that their opponents were all dead. He lowered his bow, dematerializing it. _They hadn’t planned on taking prisoners after all_ .   
Everyone was panting and covered in blood. Their clothes were torn apart form claws, fangs, and blades alike. He could discern a few cuts and forming bruises here and there. Underhill had a nasty cut, still bleeding on his left cheek, but apart from that, he seemed alright. Clary had blood all over her face but he could tell it didn’t belong to her. Izzy green jacket was missing a sleeve, blood pouring from an injury that appeared to be pretty deep. Logan was making a tourniquet with a piece of clothing on it. Cabe was panting hard, holding his middle. He noted that he might have a broken rib and to check on him later. After assessing his team, he deemed reasonable that the adrenaline must have worn off enough for him to have realized by now if he was seriously injured somewhere. He might have pulled a few muscles, but apart from that and several cuts, he was alright.   
  


That’s when Alec authorized himself to look properly at Jace, and Magnus by extension that had rushed back to him. It might be awful from Alec to only assess Jace now, but he _knew_ that he was still alive. It was his duty as their leader to put his team first, before his own worries. He also knew that as soon as he would look at Jace for more than a second, he would rush to him and he was not the kind of person to blindly throw himself somewhere. Maybe his plan had been quick, but he had a plan. That had been thought throughout and he knew that if something had been wrong with it, somebody -likely Underhill or Izzy- would have come to him to second guess his words. His earlier worries had laid on the sole fact that he was afraid of having made a harsh decision.   
Now that things were under control down there, he remembered that he had lost communication with Blackbird team earlier. Right on point, Underhill opened his mouth and said:

“ _I checked with Blackbird team, they said they couldn’t get back at you. I assumed that you had lost your communication. They’re all fine and I gave them the all-clear to go back to the Institute with the help of the Warlock Magnus called on stand-by. A cleaning team already took care of the rest.”_

_“Thank you for taking care of that. I should have realized sooner that I had missed something.”_ Alec said with a grateful tone. 

_“That’s my job.”._ He paused and added. _“Plus, those were some moves you got back there boss. Not surprising the headset couldn’t keep up with you.”_ Everyone chuckled at that, clearing the gloom atmosphere a bit.

That’s only when Alec authorized himself to look properly at Jace, and Magnus by extension that had rushed back to him. He unlocked his emotions, letting himself delve into them and his urges to run to Jace.

His body was covered in blood, some cuts still drooling. Nasty bruises everywhere, his face had been covered in various shades of blue and green, some other places fading to black. He most certainly had a concussion. He couldn’t go further with assessing all the damages done to his other half, that the bond flared back to life. Clawing its way back fiercely and all burning. Relief started to wash on Alec. Magnus had taken him off the chains and had been working on lifting the spell since then. The raven spared an observative look at Magnus, noting that he seemed to be struggling to keep his magic up. He had been portaling, fought with them, without counting on the usual amount of magic he used for his everyday life. Magnus must be exhausted.  
And Alec ran to him.

He fell to his knees, wanting but not knowing where to touch. Jace’s physical pain was excruciating and Alec wanted to slap himself for healing his own injuries. Even if they were benign, he couldn’t add his own pain to Jace’s. He fumbled into his pocket, getting his stele out and activated his iratze. He couldn’t activate Jace’s because the all-clear from a medic was needed. Though he started to apply a few little healing runes on him where bruises and cuts were visible but weren’t too deep. He knew logically that _him_ applying runes on Jace was never going to hurt. Your _parabatai’s_ runes were always stronger and never hurt, plus healing runes were soothing. But he couldn’t help but be almost scared to do it. His hands were shaking a little, but the more cuts were closing and bruises fading, the easier he breathed, and the shaking subdued. 

♠

When you love someone there’s no compromising regarding what you’re feeling. Jace and Alec literally shared their souls, so intertwined that it had long become complicated to tell from who exactly some habits came from. When their bond had flared back to life on the ground, in the very basement where Jace had been tortured, it had felt like they could breathe properly again. While the blond had not been conscious at the time, he still definitely had registered the other one presence. Alec was Jace’s home. No matter where they were, and with whom they were. They would always find and recognize themselves. The revelation wasn’t actually one. Thinking the opposite would seem silly. The raven always had been his beacon, his pillar, the sole reason why he was getting up every morning when all seemed bleak. 

Jace would never, ever, have accepted to be seen so vulnerable and helpless in any other case. Craving a soothing touch. But here, it was Alec. And it told everything the golden boy needed to know. The mere thought of putting a brave front had been superseded by his utter lack of fucks to give. He was safe, and that was everything that mattered. He might have been unconscious for his rescue, but a part of him had nested comfortably, almost purring in the back of Alec’s mind, not needing to scratch and scream to be heard anymore. Able to feel their angelic bond hum steadily. Just content to be home again. 

♠

Watching Jace sleep on the rare occasions when it happens as they got older, always had been something Alec liked to do. There was a calmness and always a sense of utter and complete security that got through them. The bond flooding with content and humming with a nice steady rhythm of happiness. Jace always appeared younger and peaceful when asleep. When light threads of the sun were weaving in the room, the golden boy had never appeared more angelic. And Alec fell for him, even more, every time. Causing those rare occasions, to really become an exception, because otherwise, the raven wasn’t sure he could have hold himself much longer to claim his _parabatai_ as _only his._

This time around though, Alec was the one into Jace’s bed. Alone. Usually, it was the other way round because it was Jace who was sneaking into Alec’s bed, the latter too embarrassed and an eternal over-thinker to do so. But the situation here was different. Jace was in the infirmary, doctors getting everyone out to work efficiently, and Alec was in too much of a shock to get to his own bedroom and he had needed something relating him to Jace. So here he was, sitting on the blond’s bed, dumbfounded because it was a silly, sentimental thing to do, but he had been too worked up to care. 

Just before leaving the battlefield, Alec had looked at it one more time. Bodies, flesh, limbs blood were shattered, cut, and sprawled everywhere. It had been a massacre but everyone on their side got back home. And that was the most important. But nonetheless, his soldiers were going to need time to get back from a bloodbath like this one. He also knew that giving them time to think was going to be a pain in his ass. Shadowhunters were made for action and they’d all rather bottle their feelings up, than taking the time to explore them, truly feel them, and then move on. Himself wasn’t good at it, but he knew the importance of doing so. Alec was their leader, he was the one supposed to have their back, and this. This was a way of doing it. So screw it, they all had a few days off. 

Alec had gotten up and had started to re-organize a few things in the bedroom even though everything was as neat, clean, and organized as possible. Jace’s childhood trauma forcing him to keep things, always oh so clean.   
People often tended to assume that Jace was the messy one, and Alec to be uptight about those type of things. The truth is, Alec’s messy but organized in his own way. He can sort out his own mess, organized like a freak sometimes and everything sprawled out when he didn’t have any more fucks to give for the world. Jace on the other hand, always needed things to be tidy. Freaking out when some stuff wasn’t in their rightful place. If his bed wasn’t made properly, if papers were not in an organizer. All in all, the truth is, Jace used to do it because he’d been beaten by Valentine otherwise. After this, because he was scared of the Lightwoods and keep up with it, being for him a way of staying and avoiding physical punishments. Not that they would have given him one, but fear and mistrust had run deep in his veins and as freely as his blood.   
Then because it was giving him anxiety not to do otherwise. Pushing him deep into panic attacks. Add up the fact that they were shadowhunters, soldiers it was in their training. Order must be maintained. But one of the main reasons was essentially because cleaning was soothing. A way for Jace to clean up his mind, to tidy his thoughts, to fold his fears, and lock them in a drawer covered by cockiness and abilities. 

Consciously Alec knew that he was effectively picking up on the habit, just now, because he was nervous, and scared -no forget that- he was almost _shitting his pants_ because his _parabatai_ was severely injured, dehydrated, malnourished, had lost a significant amount of blood and… Alec took a deep steadying breath. His thoughts not helping. He started to pace around the room. 

♠

Magnus wishes he could say that he hadn't seen it coming. Alexander hadn’t even told him _yet_ that he was breaking up with him. But the truth is, Magnus always knew that Alexander Gideon Lightwood would always be in love with his _parabatai_ . It had taken him just a little bit more time to see that Jace Herondale, loved him, just as much. Magnus had truly wanted to convince himself that Alexander was not going to break up, that he was here for something else. But the truth was written all over Alec’s face, and he could read it as an open book, written in capital letters.   
Jace’s abduction had changed something in the both of them. They were so tired of being away from each other, and that had been the last straw. 

He’d wish, oh he wishes that thing could have gone differently, but he knew, deep down, that no matter how strong Alec’s feelings for him might be. They would never be as strong as those he has for Jace. In the end, both of them would still have found one another, and the finality of it all would have been the same. 

Magnus was fairly certain that Clary had or would soon, get her heart broken as well. She loved Jace, but she also knew. 

If anything the _parabatai curse_ should have stopped them to go public but for some reason, only Imogen knew of, she had abolished the law. She had been waiting at the Institute when they got back, Alec had sent her a fire message before, inviting her to wait for them. It was after Jace had been rushed into the infirmary that Imogen had put a hand a Alec’s shoulder saying: 

_“Thank you for saving him.”_

_“No need to thank me. He’s my parabatai.”_ She had seemed to study him for a bit, her hand still on his shoulder. Alec had looked at her, questioning gaze going over her features.

_“I’ve abolished the law.”_ She had only stated.

_“Which one?”_ He asked brows furrowing. 

_“The one forbidding parabatai to commit eros.”_

_“But…”_

_“I had people looking and studying it for a while now, they deemed it safe enough. You’ll receive a report in a few days that goes into details.”_

That had let Alec, mouth gaping like a fish. Probably wondering in what universe he had found himself in.

Intimately Magnus was persuaded that Jace had something to do with it. Someway or another. While relationships between _parabatai_ might still be frowned upon in the near future, they didn’t risk anything anymore, and this precise pair did not fear many things. Magnus was certain that in the few weeks, if not days, they would cross the line.

Though Magnus knew that Alec was not breaking up with him because now he was allowed to live his great love in plain sight. No, he knew that Alexander was a good man, with a good heart. He would have still broken up with him because he would have still thought that it wasn’t fair of him to not give him his heart completely. They had a conversation about Magnus knowing his never-ending feelings toward Jace, and while it had been manageable for a while, it would lead them to hateful feelings toward the end and they both deserved better. Those two or so months with Alexander had been passionate and beautiful, but there was an end to it. 

♠

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally you all should have waited a bit longer since there are still a few things going on.
> 
> But I was as ready to post it as you were to read it. Really, I feel like I've been working on this part for an eternity. It actually had been really challenging, and I've spent many sleepless nights to edit. Then re-edit. Then do it all over again because I was never satisfied with it.
> 
> You can be sure I'm going to edit it one last time in a few days because I'm a freak like that.
> 
> Please leave comments, tell me what you thought of it, I can't wait for all of your reactions in this.
> 
> I'm almost shitting my pants right now wondering what you may think of this part.
> 
> -> Next part is going to be filled with so much fluff I actually might throw up and start shitting rainbows.
> 
> (If you want to follow me on twitter -> @Haleylu28 (97% of tramadol and 3% of sass'))


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! 
> 
> I'm back with the last chapter of this story after something like two or three months hehe.  
> I'm sorry for the wait but here it is! 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Jace was not waking up. The doctors and silent brothers have been sending apologetic looks in his direction for a few days now. He couldn’t bear to see them all. He was spending all of his free time on the Infirmary, and Imogen was granting him the luxury of taking the time he needed, for that he was immensely grateful. 

He was still leading his Institute but most of the work he would normally be doing in his office was done by Jace’s side. He had gone on a few hunts even, but his mind was elsewhere.  _ Parabatai  _ were among the best, the elite of the shadowhunters, even alone, but Jace’s absence was noticeable. He couldn’t help but think of when Underhill took him aside and told him a few days ago in a serious but sad tone, that he needed to get used to fighting alone. Logically he knew that there was a possibility that he was right. But for Alec, the mere thought of getting used to the idea that he might never fight alongside Jace again was worse than his worst nightmare coming up to life. He couldn’t bear the idea. Never. They swore they would always be by each other's side, and that was not going to stop now. 

In the meantime, Jace’s condition was leaving him jumpy, on his nerves, and he was getting it all out by handling - _ from afar- _ the warlock responsible for Jace’s abduction. Magnus had sent her on one of the Institute cells and he had not paid her a visit in three days. The only thing he did was turning off all the lights in the cell, cutting off her vision. Disorientating her. Magnus had let him know that the Warlock name was Elena and that she was a few centuries old. She had lost someone she considered her brother when Jace had activated the Souls Sword and had been since, blinded by revenge. She had learned that Jace had been the one to activate the sword, thus decided that he was guilty. That he needed to pay and suffer for all of their losses. And especially  _ her brother Gabriel _ . 

Imogen had given him carte blanche over her, letting him do whatever pleases him with her as long as she was facing punishment. So, he was using it as it pleases him. And it meant right now, cutting her out of everything. She had access to water thanks to the sink placed in the cell but other than that she had nothing. And he couldn’t find it in himself to go down there. Because the logical part of his brain knew, she had been blinded by revenge, just like he had been. He  **would** have done the same thing. It was bugging him that here if he were to  _ handle her case, _ he would repeat the circle. Nevertheless, at the same time, another part of him wanted to make her  **bleed** so badly, that his own blood was boiling and his palm itching to do something about it. In his mind a little version of him was sitting on an old stool, a leg on the ground, playing with a scalpel and humming annoyed to get down there and skin her. Make her pay for what she did to Jace and him. He really,  _ really  _ wanted to slowly scalp her skin away, bits, and bits of it. Let her suffer, start elsewhere. Then eviscerate her, organs by organs. He wanted to cave pain in her so deeply. He could see himself plunging his hands in her ribcage to tear her heart apart at the end of the show. 

Except that, -still in his head- the rational part of him was begging the other one to  _ see  _ that he couldn’t do that this time. He logically knew that it wouldn’t serve any other purpose than his very own pleasure. Afanasy had once told him that he was one of his best students, but the first and still only to that day, to have a  _ parabatai.  _ His master had warned him that this might consume him. That if harm was to come into his  _ parabatai  _ way, he would destroy everything on his path for the sole purpose of revenge. And that, that would be a very dangerous path to follow, but one he couldn’t help him with. Afanasy had added that this very bond, might also be the only thing keeping him remotely **sane** . He always had too much potential for this job and while telling him this, Afanasy had confessed that even himself, was afraid of what he could do. Afraid that his potential combined with his love for his  _ parabatai _ would be their demise. 

♠

Alec’s footsteps were the only sound you could hear in this particular area of the holding cell in the Institute. Alec opened the door, the shadow of his tall frame revealing itself slowly. A quick glance at the prisoner and he knew,  _ he knew,  _ that the other one was aware of what exactly was awaiting her.

_ “You’re The Raven.”  _ She said as a matter of fact.

_ “You’ve heard of me. Fantastic.”  _ He then answered, a devilish grin taking place onto his lips. 

♠

The Raven let out a long exhale, taking place onto the chair allowed for visitors in the infirmary.

“ _ I.. I saw the warlock who kidnapped you and… And I just couldn’t do anything. I wanted to hurt her so, so much. But I couldn’t. Because as much as I hate her for everything that happened to you, I get it. I get why she did it. You know I took the time to talk and really listen. Listen to her reasons, I needed to know that you hadn’t suffered and that you might die, for absolutely nothing.”  _ He took an inspiration, collecting his thoughts and bracing himself.

_ “Her brother died and she couldn’t bear to live in a world where the one responsible for his death was alive. I’m not blaming you, but that’s the truth he was collateral damage. And she needed someone to pay so badly… You know I can’t act all self-righteous and say that this isn’t the answer when I am who I am. I understood it. I get it. You’re the one who held and activated it. We both know you didn’t wanted them to die, fuck, you wanted to sacrifice yourself you asshole. Dying while destroying the Soul Sword,”  _ He chuckled bitterly. _ “but...But Jace I’m gonna be honest with you. I’d rather have a hundred death on me and get to keep you a dozen times, hell everyday if it means that you’re alive. _ ” His voice cracked. “ _ Jace I can’t… I  _ **_won’t_ ** _ live in a world where you don’t. I refuse to do that. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to you sooner, I’m so sorry for everything you had to go through… God, I wish I could have at least shared your pain… I Aaaargh”  _ Alec was choking on his words, tears running down his cheeks following his neck then ending their course by soaking his olive tee-shirt. “  _ You selfish bastard better wake the fuck up. I know I should allow your body and mind to heal a bit longer but I need you to open your eyes. Just once, Jace, I’m begging you.”  _

Alexander cleared his throat. He was too far gone in his thoughts and was pouring his heart out completely. People could damn his love for all they want, and they would be surprised by his utter lack of fucks to give.

_ “What was it again that dear old Plato used to say of an army of lovers? I’m fairly certain it was the following,”  _ He cleared his throat again, straightening his back, his eyes locked with the wall covered in runes in front of him. _ “And if there were only some way of contriving that a state or an army should be made up of lovers and their beloved, they would be the very best governors of their own city, abstaining from all dishonor, and emulating one another in honor; and when fighting at each other's side, although a mere handful, they would overcome the world. For what lover would not choose rather to be seen by all mankind than by his beloved, either when abandoning his post or throwing away his arms? He would be ready to die a thousand deaths rather than endure this. Or who would desert his beloved or fail him in the hour of danger?”  _

Alec took in the false silence of the infirmary. The brightness of the runes, the monitors beeping steadily, the loud sound of each induced breath filling Jace’s lungs connected to the vent. He took out his stele and started to carve a few healing runes into the smooth skin of Jace’s arms. 

Runes drawn by  _ parabatai  _ are always stronger, the mere presence of the other half was helping with the healing process. The bond allowing Jace to tap into Alec’s strength and health to heal himself. It was in fact, a grueling process. But one in which Alec was gladly giving everything and even more. He took Jace’s left hand in his, put his mouth on it, his jaw locked and his eyes lost. 

“ _ You know I feel like I failed you so many times this last year. I was so mad at you, at myself, at everybody. Nothing felt right, and everything was out of place. I failed you parabatai and I’m so sorry you chose me. I have been so selfish…”  _

♠

Alec left the infirmary but not on his own accord. A nest of demons had been spotted and he needed to send a team there to take care of the problem. Everyone had been worn out so he decided to send a team of seven, a few more people than usual, but better be safe than sorry. Clary and Isabelle were on the team, before they left he approached them and hugged them quickly. If they were surprised they didn’t let Alexander see it and smiled at him, then left. 

On their way to the nest, they exchanged a worried glance. Alec had huge dark bags under his eyes and a veil of worry and sadness had called his eyes their new home. 

♠

Maryse and even Robert had been taking turns at Jace’s bedside, relieving their oldest son a little bit, and letting them reflect on their children. Max had come with them but was spending most of his time as Alec’s shadow. The fact that his oldest brother didn’t call him out on it was a statement of how utterly burned out his big brother was. Max was mostly letting him alone when he was at Jace’s side, or making his presence very obvious by standing on the other side of the bed, but it felt too intimate to spy on those moments. He only wanted to make sure of how Alec was. And to better get to know him. His brother, as loving and caring as he was, was still a mystery to him. He was his hero and sometimes heroes need someone to take care of them, and usually, it was Jace’s job to do just that, but since the reason why Alec needed someone right now was the fact that Jace needed someone himself… He was going to look out for both of his brothers. His very own, very real and so much cooler, big brothers. 

♠

Alec was getting out of the shower when he found his little brother waiting for him on his bed. The oldest only gave him a little smile and put on black cargo pants, with a black shirt on and his combat boots. Then he looked at Max with a questioning gaze. Max showed him the snack he had brought in the room and Alec shook his head slightly. If even his twelve-year-old brother was bringing him snacks, he must be in real need to take better care of himself. Max was looking at him a bit unsure, even if a little smile was on his lips. Alec sat with him with a reassuring smile and thanked him. Izzy, who was just returning from her hunt, passed by and joined them. Soon the room was filled with his siblings’ voices and laughter. He was relaxing on his pillow, munching on a hazelnut chocolate filled bar and for a few moments, his life seemed a bit lighter. 

♠

They were just getting back in Jace’s room in the infirmary when Alec sensed a little tinge in the bond and heard his dad calling for a doctor “ _ He’s waking up!”. _

Alec ushered in the room at the same time as the doctor. Jace’s eyes were fluttering and he was eyeing the breathing tube warily. Alec grabbed his hand and tears were at bay, threatening to slip out of the barrier of his eyes, relief overwhelming him. He couldn’t look away from him while the doctor was working on him, getting out the breathing tube after having checked his vitals. The bed had been put in a more seated position and the blond was choking a bit while the tube was being removed. After a little while, he took a big breath and a nurse handed him a cup of water, instructing him to drink slowly. 

Jace took into his surrounding while holding onto Alec’s hand like a lifeline, a little overwhelmed by everything.

“ _ Wow, that’s quite the welcoming! I guess I’m gracing you back with my presence.”  _ His voice was a little raspy from not talking for so long and the breathing tube, coughing a little at the end of the sentence.  _ “It was about time you asshole,”  _ Alec told him, with a huge smile. Emotions combined from them both overtaking the bond, they both surrendered to it at the same time and lunged at each other, holding onto their other half, sobbing quietly, and pressing onto the other trying to get as close as humanly possible, their souls longing for the other part. 

♠

Seeing Jace getting out of the shower with nothing but a pair of loose sweatpants on, was a sight that Alec was convinced he would never get used to. Jace had thrown the towel he had in his hand on the floor of Alec’s bedroom and the latter couldn’t help but roll his eyes, knowing full well that Jace was doing it on purpose to annoy the crap out of him. 

Since they had gotten each other back, they wouldn’t let go of each other for more than a few minutes, or they were getting overflowed with relentlessness and need to reconnect. Right now the bond was humming gently. Jace had basically taken his quarters into Alec’s bedroom, and a few of his clothes were in every and any surfaces possible. Usually, the both of them were cleaning freaks, but since the forced separation and the abuse, they couldn’t care less. They needed to touch. Constantly reassuring themselves that the other one was truly there,  _ alive _ . When they were spending more than fifteen or so minutes apart, their heartbeats were quickening, their breath itching, their eyes full-blown they would search the other. Alec knew the feeling came essentially from Jace, trauma hitting him like a bullet-cannon, and taking over the bond, that was so wide-open, it tackled them both. As if to make them pay for the separation.

The ravenhead barely registered that Jace had put on a shirt when his mind  _ actually noted  _ that it was  _ Alec’s shirt _ he had put on. The sight was dazzling. 

Jace heard Alec gasp and he needed a few seconds to realize the reason for it. He had wanted to wear something comfy, and he hadn’t thought before taking Alec’s shirt. The piece of clothing must have been worn by Alec a few days ago. It wasn’t dirty by any means, and it actually smelt of  _ home.  _ And really, Jace had come to the realization that he had never actually  _ realized  _ when exactly Alec had started to smell of home and safety, but he knew that it was coming back from their youth. As far as he remembered, the smell of his  _ parabatai  _ was a calming and unraveling essence. A balm for his heart and soul. Jace had woken up from his induced coma three days ago,  and it had been a battle with the medical team to be able to get out of the infirmary the day right after. The first night they had tried to sleep apart, Jace still in his room at the infirmary and Alec in his own bedroom. Except that fifteen minutes after they exchanged “good nights” the ravenhead had come back panting, unable to stay away much longer. The day after that they argued that Jace would finish the healing process better with his  _ parabatai  _ at his sides, and it had been settled. Jace would spend  _ all  _ of his time in Alec’s bedroom or on the couch in his office  _ resting _ and would only move to relieve himself  _ and  _ get checked out twice in the infirmary. Once in the morning and the second just before bed. Alec hadn’t gone back on a hunt since then. 

♠

What the fuck are you doing? Said Jace, coming into the kitchen, his eyelids still half stuck between themselves, barefoot. He just had put on a shirt on his boxers, realizing that Alec wasn't in the bed anymore. 

And here he found him. In the kitchen. At two in the fucking middle of the night, attempting to do...  _ something _ .

“ _ What the fuck are you doing!?” _

_ “Well, I wouldn't do anything if there was anything with chocolate involved in this goddamn institute,” _ Alec replied, and Jace took into his surroundings a bit better, realizing that there was flour all around the kitchen, a broken egg, and some cocoa powder at random places. 

Jace raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

_ “So.. what are you attempting to do?”  _ Asked the blond.

_ “A mug cake. A mug...whatever.” _

_ “Well, obviously attempting is the word.” _

_ “It looks.. weird.” _ Said Alec shoving the mug in Jace's direction. The blond took a look at it.

_ “Maybe it does not taste as bad as it looks?”  _ Tempted Jace, unsure of his own words.

_ “D'you wanna try it?” _ Honestly, everything in Jace was screaming at him to not taste any of the Lightwood sibling's attempts at cooking,  **_anything_ ** . But Alec seemed to be really upset so he decided to sacrifice himself for the cause. The thing looked godamn weird, he took a spoon and decided to give it a go, bracing himself for the oncoming disaster.

The texture was.. like a wrong oatmeal and the taste was prominently sugar. Jace rolled his eyes.

“ _ There wasn't any coca left wasn’t it ?”  _ Jace figured.

_ “Not a lot,”  _ Grumpily answered Alec.

_ “So you compensated with sugar?”  _

_ “And some nut paste by Prozis.”  _ The ravenhead added matter of factly.

_ “Yeah well. That doesn’t taste  _ **_bad_ ** _.” _

_ “The look on your face says something different.” _

_ “Because the texture is weird but it isn’t that bad.” _

_ “Duh.” _

_ “Don’t knock it ‘til you try. Give it a go.” _

Jace held a spoon at Alec’s face who seemed disgusted by his own making, and finally opened his mouth, letting his  _ parabatai  _ feed him.

“ _ Yeah well… I wouldn’t call it a success but you were right.”  _ Stated Alec.

“ _ Well, I didn’t throw up and I’ll take it as a win considering your inaptitude at cooking.” _

_ “Fuck you! I can do plenty of things.” _

_ “That would be a pleasure.” _

_ “I can do pasta properly, even though I burned the lid this other time...and wait what the…” _

_ “Did I broke you? Alec?” _

_ “D…” _

_ “Yup, definitely broken. Don’t worry babe I’ll fix you in a sec’.”  _ Jace then moved carefully in Alec’s direction, stood on his tippy-toe and pressed his lips onto his  _ parabatai _ . After a few beats, Alec’s brain restarted and he grabbed Jace properly deepening the kiss a little. It tasted like everything and more. Something that had been forbidden for him for so long that it still felt illegal, but intoxicating in a very good way. Jace right here standing on his tippy-toe, eyes closed, had his hands behind Alec’s head and what broke the kiss was their smiles. The Raven put his forehead onto Jace’s and searched for his eyes.

“ _ What..” _

_ “I… I love you Alec. I’ve been in love with you for as far as I can remember, I just… I never realized how much or what it truly meant” _

_ “It’s okay, we’ll talk about it later. Let’s just get to bed.”  _ Alec closed his eyes and whispered,“ _ I love you so, so much. Words don't cover it. I wish… It’s.. Ineffable. I love you.”  _ Jace looked Alec straight in the eye then added, _ “And for the record… You never failed me, never. Stop doubting yourself Alec.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not hesitate to leave comments on what you thought of this, the whole story, or only this chapter.
> 
> I promised you fluff and here it is!  
> It's like... So light compared to the rest of the story I had such a hard time writing it. I'm angst material people x)
> 
> But really I wasn't in a really good place those last few weeks and couldn't get myself to write anything.
> 
> I had a few stuffs written but I ended up writing everything tonight (currently 02:05 in France) and I started at 10:30 pm but it was worth it!
> 
> I'm quite glad with how it ended aha!
> 
> BUT THIS IS NOT THE END.  
> The end of this story, yes, this arc would be more precise. I got attached to them both a bit too much and decided that there were still so many things I could tell about them, so... Yeah they are coming back.
> 
> I can't tell you when exactly but I'll create a series and I'll add it.
> 
> I need to tell you what exactly happened with the warlock and some other stuff. It just didn't felt right to put it there and I am too eager for you all to finally get this chapter.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment, this means the world!

**Author's Note:**

> Make my day and leave a comment or kudos!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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